One thing I have noticed since going freelance is how intrinsically linked my job title/career is to my sense of identity. I have never been desperately ambitious, wanting to top the ‘top 100 under 30 list’ or create a growing empire. My goal has always been to learn as much as I can, enjoy what I do and grow incrementally through role and numeration.
However, whilst in-between contracts and having some ‘downtime,’ I have struggled with feeling like I have lost my identity. Like I do not belong to something. To something bigger than just me. Because when your name becomes your business, and you are in a transitional state having worked full-time corporate, to a more flexible and variable model, it is difficult to compartmentalise and separate your name (the woman) and your name (the business). It is even more challenging when actively seeking new clients and contracts as a freelancer, having lost that security of being ‘Caroline from marketing’ working for company X. It can feel lonely and overwhelming.
What you do for work is often one of the first questions asked when meeting new people, and we are often judged on our answers. Not actively judged but passively, as those answers indicate the kind of person you are. Things you enjoy. If there is any clear common ground or shared interests, however, when you are in a transitional state, you do not have those set definitions and boundaries. However, I do not think that is a bad thing.
Why do we put so much emphasis on our careers providing that sense of identity? We work to earn money to live. Living is what we do outside of our jobs and can often involve an array of interests that have nothing to do with our careers. That is where our sense of self should evolve from. From a love of art, hiking, reading, writing, travel, gardening, dogs, food, and drink – they are the things I enjoy and where my sense of identity should stem from. Our work and our roles do not own and define us, they are things we work on, and we must remember that our sense of identity needs to stem from the things we love and enjoy, where we are completely and unapologetically ourselves.
